Diary Of A Wimpy Kitty

January 2^nd 2012

Once again I feel I have to apologise for the lateness of my weekly diary entry. This has been a week where the laptop has stayed shut, and as I am devoid of opposable thumbs, I was unable to prize it open. The biggest human has not been using the damn thing due to his hectic schedule of eating, sleeping and cluttering up the place.

Oh well, better late than never I suppose, so let us reflect on what the last week or so have taught me. First of all; don’t go outside for more than half an hour at a time. Bloody hell it’s cold out there, even with my fluffy fur coat. I’ve been freezing my paws off in the garden while the humans have the fire on in the front room eating their fill in front of the magic box of moving images. Thankfully I have developed the skill of knocking on the back door whilst meowing loudly until I’m noticed.

There is a machine in the kitchen that scares the living fur balls out of me. The humans use it regularly to moisten their strange garments before hanging them up to dry. They smell peculiar when they are taken out, kind of like flowers. Anything that doesn’t smell like chicken or fish is repulsive to me. The machine is so random as well. Just when I’m drifting off into the land of nod it comes to life, spinning and screeching away like it owns the place. How does anyone relax when there are things like in the house? Why do humans even wear these garments in the first place? They should grow more fur on their bodies.

Time I wrapped this up so I will finish with a new year’s resolution – Stop drinking from the toilet, dogs do that and it is not becoming of a respectable kitty!!!